Not Living… Only Existing.

Do you ever have this downward thought that you are not really living your life, simply surviving in a world that doesn’t quite adhere to you? This has been me, A LOT, recently, and it has been driving me completely insane. And I think too much as it is, especially at night, so to be feeling in such a way cannot be good for my mental health. >.<

Do you know somebody who appears to be living their dreams, traveling the world, having the best work/social split, and just having life play out the way you imagined it would when you used to play ‘House’ as a child with your friends?
Honestly, I really don’t understand how a person has the ability to move half way across the world, rent an apartment, maintain a job – whilst all the while traveling the globe to exotic and typical ‘bucket list’ places. It totally baffles me when I still live at home and, to me, appear to be in an unsociable hours job, with no foreseeable way to progress and EVENTUALLY move out myself.

Playing House… Doesn’t quite live up to the expectations.

What makes it more aggravating, and potentially very demeaning, is when you have been completely ‘bigged up’ by the education system. By that, I mean have been told, time and time again, that you are destined for great things; will have a great career ahead of you. Yet, when it comes down to it – you’re not. Plain and simple.
It’s like a betrayal. You have grown up with this thought process that you are so intelligent, so practical, so whatever your forte is, that the world will be your oyster. Then there you are, sleeping in the same bed you have since primary school, in a low paying job, probably with no prospects of progression (particularly if it’s not the career choice you’ve always dreamed of, and thus have no interest in). It’s no wonder so many young people are simply giving up on the system.

Now, whilst you are happy for people you know doing well for themselves, you can’t help but be incredibly envious. As far as ‘the system’ is concerned, that should be you as the high flyer, the one jetting off to live in Australia, visiting America and Asia every few weeks. It’s incessantly mind numbing. Especially considering they have accomplished no different to you, educationally or professionally, and it’s so incredibly confusing as to how they afford to do what they do.

Maybe that’s what it is…?

This may sound like a big, fat, jealous rant at other’s people success.
It really isn’t. It’s a frustration. This thought that life truly isn’t worth living if you only feel like you are surviving, existing. Taking each day as it comes without plans of progression, of doing what you want to do. This feeling of utter entrapment within the imaginary four walls of your personal bubble. The idea that you are a robot without feelings. An ant within a workforce without recognition of their part in the bigger picture.

Says a lot.

I hate it.

’til next time.

3 Comments

  1. Before the New Year I started writing down goals for myself for the exact reason you describe. I felt I was just existing. I have experienced many coulda/woulda/shoulda’s because haven’t been very specific about what I want out of this life.

    It’s taken me a long time and frustration to get this far and it doesn’t seem far enough. There are days when I just have appreciate for what I have now. Be grateful that I have gotten this far and that I do have a somewhat sensible head on my shoulders.

    As for your lament on living with your parent’s ..I have heard that it is very, very expensive to rent in your country..I imagine your parent’s are well aware of this fact as well. Hopefully you aren’t feeling pressure to leave when there aren’t, currenltly, many options.

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  2. I feel like the education system is a factory where we’re all made to get ‘stable’ jobs. Those of us who chase our dreams, like artists, will cop a lot of criticism. But at the same time we’re told that we should choose what we enjoy for a career.

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    1. It depends what is important and what makes you happiest – having lots of money or loving what you do? Few people are lucky enough to have both. If you’re not happy with something change it. You’re still young, you can do anything you dream of, but no-one said it would be easy xx

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