Is Ambition a Turn Off?

Isn’t it amazing when you come to continue writing a blog post that you started whilst in Hospital a week ago, and yet… it is no longer there!
Yup, I didn’t save it as a draft. #RookieMistake.
Oh well, to begin anew and write it just as good, if not FAR better. [Insert random wink emoji to symbolise some sarcastic irony]

I am the first to admit I do not have the best of luck when it comes to relationships, and yet I find myself being one of those people whom others come to seek advice from regarding the very thing I am having trouble with myself – it’s bizarre.
But hey, it happens, and I try my best to see things with an open mind, and give my opinion and the best advice I can give within my own capabilities.
Though, when it comes to my own experiences, I am completely at a loss; other people express their positive feelings onto me regarding what I am like as a person, what I enjoy in life, what I want from life, and that anyone would be lucky to ‘snap me up’. Yet, here I am: Single, with a delightful history of being stood up and having those I have been speaking to disappearing off the face of the planet – and that has been with potential dates and ‘friends’. It completely baffles me.

As this blog is a collection of my thoughts, experiences and opinions, of course I can only talk from my own point of view (even though I do try and look at things objectively and from various viewpoints), so I apologise if this particular post is very self orientated.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not one of these people who crave simply the idea of a relationship and, excuse the phrase, jumps into bed with anyone who gives me a form of attention that is beyond that of friendship, simply to plaster said ‘relationship’ all across social media for all the revel in and vomit at (see my previous blog about such things). BUT, I do believe I am the type of person who requires (I’m unsure if that’s the correct word that I am looking for, but it’ll do) that level of support in my life ventures, that only a partner can give. A person who is behind you 100%, no matter what the world thinks of what it is you do – yes, you can find such support within friendship circles and family, but this is something about a partner, someone who loves your very soul and every fibre of your being; and with me, I have never been strong with friendship circles, that much is evident in the fact I do not speak to anyone from my secondary school or University days, and life gets in the way with the very few people I recognise as ‘friends’.

As I talk about a person who loves you for you, that is where this particular post takes wind – I am a very ambitious person. I think that much is seen from my social media activity: Youtuber for 5 years, this blog, and more recently my new Podcast series; I like to speak my mind and use my voice in a way that can entertain and make some difference, no matter how small in the world.
It is this, I think, that puts certain people off. There are those who simply do not understand what it is I do, nor why I do it and are not shy in voicing that begrudging opinion; there are those who query it in a way that is belittling, possibly due to an envious feeling regarding growing popularity (if that even happens), and then there are those who simply do not want to associate with me for fear I will talk about them in a video or blog.

This, this is what I think is the common denominator regarding people, or more specifically gay guys, it is a simple self defecating ideology that as a person’s ambitious nature will overshadow them within a relationship.
This is simply not true, especially with me, it is the support that keeps me going, the appreciation for my work that allows me to continue doing what I am passionate about; and most definitely, knowing I have someone there who aids in that mentality makes the bond stronger, in my opinion anyway.
As long as said passion does not dictate your life, and becomes your life, then it can be understood why a partner would be apprehensive. But, the simple fact that a person wants to better themselves, prove something to themselves in the long run, has a passion that they want to indulge in and make their partner a part of, then that is sheer beauty and I cannot fathom this indifference and antagonism to those with such ambition for life.

Man, I do love a good talking heads. :’)

’til next time.

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